New friend

Red has a new friend.  I'm not sure where they met, but it's clear they're very close because they go everywhere together like two peas in a pod.  I've asked Red many times what her new friend's name is, and her answer is always "Pretend Friend."  When I ask if she has another name, she looks at me like I'm an idiot and says flatly "Her name is Pretend Friend."

Pretend Friend is always here for playdates, and whenever I make lunch for Red, I have to have the same lunch, pretend-version, for Pretend Friend, or else Red pitches a fit.  I guess I can understand--- she just wants us to be hospitable and all.  Although it would be nice if Pretend Friend's mom packed her a sandwich every once in a while so I don't have to keep using my pretend bread.  Pretend money doesn't grow on trees.  Plus, she's so picky.  I'll whip up some pretend chicken nuggets with a side of pretend oranges, and Red will reprimand me "Mommy!  Pretend Friend doesn't LIKE oranges.  She asked for watermelon!"  I'll take the bowl of pretend oranges back to the kitchen and grumble under my breath "Well maybe Pretend Friend needs to speak up a little..."

Pretend Friend goes everywhere we go.  I only have room in my car for two carseats, one for Red and one for her brother, but thankfully Pretend Friend has a pretend carseat jammed in the sliver of space between the two.  That's fine by me, but it's a little frustrating when I have to reach across Red to make sure Pretend Friend is buckled in securely.  If I don't double check the tightness of the chest clasp, I'll surely hear about it.  And when we've reached our destination, I need to make a point to dramatically lift Pretend Friend out of the car, just like I do with Red. 

Red posing with her new BFF, Pretend Friend

One of Red's favorite games to play with Pretend Friend is racing, which entails her yelling to me "Mommy!  Say 'Ready! Steady! GO!'", I oblige, Red and Pretend Friend race from one side of the room, yard, hallway, etc, and Red yells "I WIN! while doing a victory hop.  Then she again yells "Mommy!  Say 'Ready! Steady! GO!'", and the process repeats.  This activity typically goes on for 30 to 60 minutes at a time.  Sometimes- sometimes- Pretend Friend wins.... and then all hell breaks out.  There's arguing, shouting, tears... how dare Pretend Friend have the audacity to win the big race from the corner of the room, around the toy box, and to the gate? How dare she.

In fact, I frequently have to break up fights between Red and Pretend Friend.  I know it's going to be an awesome day when I have to shout "Girls! Girls!  Break it up!" to Red and Pretend Friend 3 times before I've even had my coffee.  If I'm being completely honest, Pretend Friend is kind of a brat.  She seems to be the troublemaker of the pair.  Maybe she has one of those Moms on her iPhone, because no one seems to be paying attention to her and reinforcing her good behavior.... not that I'm judging Pretend Friend's Mom... we all need breaks from our kids, even pretend moms.

But I think what Red and Pretend Friend do most often is gang up on me.  Walking through a supermarket the other day, the two of them suddenly broke into a fit of giggles and took off running.  I chased them both over to the next aisle and when I told Red she can't run away from me like that, she smiled devilishly and said it was Pretend Friend's idea.  A few days ago I walked out of the living room for two minutes before I heard a commotion and had to run back.  I found the Meatball sprawled out on the floor crying, and I asked Red what happened.  She explained that Pretend Friend knocked her baby brother over.  So then I had to put Pretend Friend in Time Out.  Which is.... productive.

At bedtime, I have to tuck both Red and Pretend Friend in, unless they're fighting, in which case Pretend Friend is banished to the floor for the night.  I'd feel sorry for her, but I'm all like "Who authorized this sleepover anyway? What time is she being picked up in the morning? I'll probably have to make her breakfast... again."  So I say goodnight to them both and head out to the kitchen to plan their meals and activities for the next day.

3 plus 1

Before the Meatball came along, I planned to be generous and give myself 6 months to adjust to life with two kids before jumping back into any games.

That's funny that I thought 6 months was generous enough.

In the weeks before my scheduled C-section, I lay in bed wide awake worrying about how we were going to handle two kids.  I'd sigh loudly and rub my belly.  The hubs would assure me we'd figure it out as we went along, but I couldn't be convinced.  I'd get short of breath and wish I could have a stiff drink to settle my nerves.

And just like after we had Red I couldn't even remember what life without a baby was like, I now can't remember what life with just 1 kid was like.  I mean, I DO remember what that freedom felt like of course.  It's funny how I used to complain about taking her food shopping with me, and now I say to the hubs, "Can I please just take ONE of them??"

Life had other plans in store for me these past 10 months (ten months!?) that caused me to fall off the blogosphere, and that's actually cool with me.  The Meatball came along, and my focus was on breastfeeding him successfully for as long as I could (7 months proud!).  Then I blinked and it was the holidays and my focus was on making it magical for Red.  Sprinkled in there was a family staycation, learning to organize my new day-to-day schedule, and keeping both kids on track to meet their own individual milestones.  The baby developed a flat head because I was afraid for a while to put him on the floor where his big sis could trample him, so I had to work on rounding that out.  Red had to be potty trained, and while she was actually a very ready and willing student and pretty easy to train, learning how to navigate public bathrooms with a preschooler while towing a new baby has been interesting to say the least.  I'm keeping a running list in my head of all my favorite hot spots.  Because, hey popular discount clothing store- do you know what doesn't make me feel like a "fashionista"?  When I have to hold my 3 year old over the sink to pee in your "family friendly" bathroom because the toilet seat and surrounding floor is sprinkled with urine and excrement, that's what.

Baby # 2 simply does not sleep as well as his big sister did.  Red started sleeping through the night at 4 months and has always taken solid naps.  But these last 10 months (ten months!?) have been unlike anything I've ever experienced.  Sleep deprivation makes you crazy, yo.  And I do mean craaaaaaazy.  He's just starting to fall into a sort of schedule, and I use that term loosely.  I spend all week dreaming of Friday night when Dave's on weekend time and I can finally have a stretch of REM at night while he takes the on-call overnight shift.

I did miss writing, but I was also going through a sort of Maslowian Hierarchy of Needs where sleep was a huge chunk at the top of the pyramid, followed closely by food and, somewhere midway down, was showering and brushing my hair.... after that was vacuuming and cleaning my bathrooms.... making sure my family was eating dinner.... well, let's just say blogging was somewhere at the bottom along with diet and exercise.  Now here I am planning the Meatball's first birthday party already and I'm finally finding myself again. I could have churned out some crap for you to read in these past 10 months (ten months!?)  but I have standards, people.

Anywho... thanks for your patience, and for coming back now that I've found me again.

Mom Hearts Baby Loves Disco

Dave and I recently took the kids to Baby Loves Disco, a dance party for families down at Shampoo Nightclub in Philly.  I was offered the opportunity to review the event for Philly Kids Thing, my new favorite go-to website for events and activities (if you live in Philly or any of the surrounding suburbs and you haven’t signed up for their weekly email newsletter, you don’t know what you’re missing!).  Dave and I were intrigued by the idea of Baby Loves Disco for two reasons- first, we have spontaneous living room family dance parties all the time (they’re off the hook), and second, Dave and I went to Shampoo Nightclub as free wheelin’, partying, childless young adults, so we were curious to see how this whole thing was going to work.

I tend to avoid the city for kiddie activities, and honestly the main reason is because I loathe trying to find a parking spot.  However, I was pleasantly surprised when we pulled up to Shampoo and found several attendants ushering us into a secure lot.  Plus, parking was free!

Once inside--- WOW.  That’s all I really need to say- this event was really awesome!  And yes, you might be thinking I’m giving it glowing reviews just because I was given tickets to check it out, but I do not roll like that.  I would go back to this and I would bring friends!  It was honestly a great time.  Most of the kids were between the ages of 2 and 8, but there were plenty of babies and tweens in the mix, too.  There was a small room on the first floor with music for dancing with hula hoops and other fun props.  Outside that room were several stations with face painting, temporary tattoos and coloring tables.  There were also plenty of areas with couches for just chilling out.

Tattoo Station 

After Red got some cool tats, we made our way to the main nightclub area upstairs, and it was awesome!  I expected kiddie music, but instead they were playing current hits.  It’s a sea of kids and their parents just rockin out to fun dance music!  In the middle of the dance floor was this super fun hype guy keeping the party alive- and he was A-DORABLE!

In the front of the room there were lots of free snacks laid out on the bar area.  The event organizers really considered what kids would want to eat- there was fresh fruit, a variety of pureed fruit pouches, and pasta with butter, along with pretzels and mini cupcakes (all FREE!) 

Free food!  Perfect choices for kids!

There were more activities in a room off to the side of the dance room, and we took a break from the action so Red could craft it up while the Meatball took a nap. 

Then it was back to the dance floor for more fun!  

Red is 3 and the Meatball is now 9 months old, and both kids really had a blast.  We can’t wait to go back again!  

If you decide to check out Baby Loves Disco, here are some things you should know:

• All activities were free with your entry fee!
• There were plenty of snacks, but you could bring your own food if you want to.
• They have a handy coat check area.
• I would not recommend bringing a stroller (I’m not sure if they would even allow you to)
• The next Baby Loves Disco event in Philly is March 17.  Check it out for yourself!

*I was given free tickets to this event so that I could review it here on the blog.  All opinions are my own.

On marriage

Marriage is difficult sometimes.  Like, really difficult.  While many days are great, some days I just want to scream at Dave.  People keep telling me how now- while we have very young children- is one of the most difficult times of our marriage.  They say we gotta hang in because this is a crazy time when emotions are running high and we're all running low on sleep.

A few weeks ago, I attended the wedding of a family friend.  Dave's mom, who is an Episcopal priest, officiated, and she gave a great homily.  It was one of those homilies that just hits home at a time when you need to hear it most.  So I asked her if I could share it here on the blog because, maybe, like me, you are in a place in your marriage or partnership where you need to be reminded about what it's all about.

Homily from the wedding of Jessica and Clint

by Rev. Mary McCullough

Jessica and Clint have much in common:

They both love to exercise – in fact that’s how they met and began to get to know one another.  

They both love to dance – evident in the pictures we’ve seen of the two of them showing off some serious moves.  

They both like to ride bikes.  In fact, Clint chose to propose to Jess on one of the Vintage Bike Rides they took together last fall.  

Albert Einstein once said, “Life is like riding a bicycle – in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.  And if there is anything to say about Jessica and Clint – these bike riders are certainly movers.  They can get more done in a day than many of us can get done in a week.

I began to think about marriage being like riding a bike.  It’s a rite of passage when one gets their first bicycle.  It’s a rite of passage to be married.  They are both a symbol of one’s transition to a new age. 

One of the most important aspects of riding a bicycle is maintaining your balance – and sometimes that can get out of control.  

It takes courage, stamina, and attentiveness to ride a bike - The very qualities it takes to sustain marriage for a lifetime – courage – stamina and attentiveness.

Some days you will ride through marriage slogging uphill, it may feel slow and depleting.  Other days you will ride through marriage speeding downhill going so fast, everything goes by way too quickly.  Then there are the days that you ride the flat trails, going at a satisfying pace with opportunities to enjoy the ride, the view and each other.  Today is a new day – a day of hope and new life.  Today you begin a new ride.

Remember to treat each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together.  Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your relationship deserves.  Remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part that seems wrong.  In this way, you can ride through the storms when the clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives.  Take responsibility for the quality of your life together and it will surely be marked by abundance and delight.

Tips from a wanabe expert

August 1-7 is World Breastfeeding Week, and to kick it off I thought I'd share my own words of wisdom.  You know, since I'm such an expert and all...


Ok, the truth is that the first time around I only breastfed Anna for 3 months, and the last half of that time is when I was introducing formula.  What can I say--- she was born in September, and once the holiday season kicked into full swing, I was stressed and I didn't make breastfeeding a priority.  I was overly concerned with making Anna's first Christmas amazing that I over exerted myself and it took time away from keeping a good breastfeeding schedule.  And for some weird reason, I had a crazy urge to bake a million cookies that Christmas to give out as gifts.  Seriously?  I baked so many cookies.  Dave bought me a Kitchenaid standing mixer and everything.  My cookie baking behavior was just bizarre. 


Also, I don't come from a family of breastfeeders, and that impacted my success.  It's not that my family members weren't supportive- it's just that the subject was not even on our radar.  I had never really been exposed to nursing mothers so my understanding was that the majority of women chose bottles over boobies.  To be honest, I never thought I would even attempt breastfeeding.  When Dave and I would talk about building a family in the early years of our relationship, he was the breastfeeding advocate.  I told him on more than one occasion that it was simply not my thing.  


But then a funny thing happened- my younger sister got pregnant and registered for a breast pump.  She has a degree in nutrition, so she schooled me in the benefits of breastfeeding.  She paved the way with her first child, and her confidence only became stronger with her second child.  So when I was pregnant with Anna, I decided to give it a try (plus, she already had the pump--- Score!).


So anyway, as I was saying, after Anna's first holiday season, I was all but dried up.  I cut my losses and she became a full time formula fed baby.  But when I became pregnant with Ryan, I was determined to get back in the nursing game for 3 main reasons:


1. I'm lazy.  Mixing formula and washing all those bottles is for the birds.
2. I'm cheap.  I can't deny the fact that it really does save us a crapload of money.
3. I like to travel light.  I hated having to pack an extra bag filled with bottle and formula supplies- all I need now is a nursing cover.


Oh and duh, there's a fourth reason... of course...


4. The many health benefits for both me and the baby.  We've all read the reports, so I'm not going to belabor the point here.


Now if I'm being completely honest, I think it's only fair to tell you that I have used formula 3 times with Ryan.  I'm just starting to be able to build up enough milk to pump to save for later and feed him now, but in the early weeks I had events that I didn't have time to prepare for.  Now that I'm making more milk, I hope to not be in that situation again.  However, I don't think that formula is poison, and I don't have a problem if people formula feed!  My personal goal is to breastfeed him for his entire first year, but if something should happen to prevent me from doing so, I won't feel like a failure.  As long as you aren't feeding your child from a Bud Light bottle, I don't care how they eat.  That's your business.  I'm pro-choice, so I think it would be contradictory for me to come out against a women's right to choose formula over breastmilk for her child, yes?


I'm happy to say that I have been successful so far.  Although we are only 3 months in, my friend told me that someone once told her that when it comes to nursing, you just gotta get through those first 6 weeks before it gets alot easier.  In my book, that's the best piece of advice on breastfeeding.  I honestly felt a shift in how easy it became right around that point.  So here are my tips on getting through the first 6 weeks!


Give fair warning
I embarrass easily.  I do not like to be the center of attention (unless I'm telling a funny story and making people laugh).  When it comes to my boobies--- yea yea, I get that they were made for nursing and rah rah Go Women, but still--- I like to keep the ladies under wraps. I knew that if I wanted to start off my second venture into breastfeeding on the right foot, I needed to set some ground rules.  So in the weeks before I delivered Ryan, I let anyone and everyone who might visit me in the hospital know that I would be breastfeeding.  I even sent out an email to some people a few days before I went into the hospital.  That way, if I had a visitor who was warned ahead of time, and the baby got fussy, they took the cue and would offer to leave the room to give me my privacy.  It worked like a dream and it gave me the space I needed!


Have no shame
Keep reminding yourself that the nurses have truly seen it all.  If you are having trouble getting your baby to latch on, don't be shy about letting a nurse grab your boob and make it happen for you!  Since I had a repeat C-section, I really had no choice but to let the nurses handle my lady parts for that first feeding because I was completely numb from the chest down.  In the days that followed, if I had any trouble, I'd throw up my hands and let them show me how it should be done.  Those ladies are a wealth of knowledge and happy to help!


Settle in for the long haul
Newborn babies typically go through a series of growth spurts around 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months.  They will cluster feed, which basically means if you're breastfeeding, your ass will be planted on the couch for several days in a row.  When you read about cluster feeding, you get the general description, but I was not at all prepared for it when I had Anna!  Dave would come home from work and find me topless, surrounded by pillows and receiving blankets, weeping because I had not moved all day.  Cluster feeding means your baby becomes a hungry, angry (hangry) shark who feeds all. day. long.  It was a nightmare.  I had never had it explained to me in terms that translated to what was really going to happen.  This time around, however, I was prepared for it.  I set up several series recordings on my DVR and I settled in and gave myself permission to let everything else go to the wayside, and it made all the difference.  Don't get me wrong- it's still not a pleasant experience feeling like you're trapped inside your house- plus this time around I have a bored almost 3 year old yelling at me all day.  But still, just giving myself the permission to let it all go made me feel like I wasn't a huge failure with a messy house.


Take all advice with a grain of salt
You know that saying "Opinions are like assholes- everyone has one and they all stink"?  I think whoever made up that quote was talking to breastfeeding moms.  You will hear it all- from "Are you sure you're making enough milk?" to "Maybe your milk isn't thick enough" to "I don't think it's normal for her to be eating all day like that" and "You're not supplementing with formula, are you?" to "You can't use a binky- he'll get nipple confusion" to "You should start pumping right away when you get home from the hospital every day to build up your milk supply."  Start practicing your smile and nod while you zone out.  Create for yourself a fantasy land to escape to in your head when people start dropping their opinions to you--- perhaps one that involves Zac Efron and a beach or LL Cool J and nightclub.  Mine involves both Zac and LL in a nightclub on the beach, but hey, whatever works for you, it's your fantasy.


Don't get cocky
This tip isn't really one to help you be a successful breastfeeder as much as it is to help you be a compassionate human being.  I meant what I said up there about not caring how every woman feeds their babies--- it is their individual choice.  We don't know what has gone on in someone's lifetime to lead them to choose formula over breastmilk and vice versa, so don't assume you know what's best for their child.  My sister (the trailblazer who registered for the breast pump) shared with me a thought that has become my second best piece of advice for breastfeeding- a nurse once said to her "At the end of the day, a happy mommy makes for a happy baby."  There are tons of emotional and physical and mental reasons why a mom can't breastfeed- and none of them are reasons that we have a right to judge.  As a successful breastfeeder(ok, just three months, but still!), I feel humbled to be in this position, and I'm thankful for each day that I'm able to do it.  And I know alot of great moms out there who are all doing what they need to do to be happy moms to make for happy babies.


All week, I'll be sharing articles on my facebook page about breastfeeding- I hope you'll LIKE my facebook page HERE and be inspired!  You can also follow me on Twitter HERE and Pinterest HERE!  Plus, you can receive my posts straight to your inbox by entering your email address above in the top right hand side of my blog.  Happy World Breastfeeding Week!  

"Nice to meet you! So... do you vaccinate?"

I just took Ryan to his 2 month checkup.  Anna came with us, so I carefully explained that her baby brother might cry at the end because the nurse is going to give him a needle, and I told her- in easy to understand kiddie terms- what a vaccine is and why he's getting it.  I knew I had to go over this information with her ahead of time because I didn't want her to be freaked out.  Let's face it- vaccinations can be a scary and upsetting situation for kids and parents alike.


Like any mom who had a baby after Jenny McCarthy, I'm always hyper aware of the possible outcomes of vaccinating my kids.  Checkup day is nerve wracking.  Every time a nurse hands me the paperwork about the vaccines she's about to give my child, I shudder a little at the thought that drug companies could be in cahoots with big business and not have the best interest of my child in mind.


My sister is a nurse at CHOP, and I've heard the other side too many times.  The heartbreaking stories of kids being admitted deathly ill with some sickness that could have been prevented with a vaccine.  I ultimately decided that I'd rather have an autistic child over the alternative----


However, that is my personal decision. I'm not here to pass judgement on how or if parents choose to vaccinate their children.


So here we are in the era of playdates.  I don't know about you, but when I was little, we didn't do playdates like they do 'em now.  Red has been playdating since she was 2 months old!  Park trips and play zones, mall walks and house dates, beach trips and birthday parties--- you name it, we've playdated the heck out of it.


Now Red has a little brother.  My little Italian stallion is just shy of 3 months old, and he's getting his feet wet in the playdate circuit, which this means he's maxin' and relaxin' with Red's friends' little siblings.  But Red's friends are in the mix.... and they're older... and older toddlers and preschoolers love little babies.... they love love love to touch their piggy toes and bellies and faces... So this raises the question- Do I need to be aware of who is vaccinating in my circle of friends?


I asked my pediatrician, and her response was a whole-hearted "YES!" She confirmed that until the little man has gone through his full list of vaccines, he is at risk to contract illnesses from unvaccinated carriers.  She further explained that this new wave of non-vaccinating parents is throwing old ilnesses back into the mix that haven't been as problematic for years, so an older child can be a carrier of some illness that my not-yet-3 month old would easily pick up.  I asked her how I'm supposed to find out who is vaccinating and who isn't?  She smiled sympathetically and said "Well, that's the tricky part, isn't it?"


Again- let me stress this point- I am not passing judgement on parents who don't vaccinate.  It is a personal choice, one that no parent takes lightly.


I am just raising the question- Do parents who don't vaccinate have a moral obligation to disclose that information to parents they playdate with, especially if very small, not fully vaccinated children are present?  Or, I suppose the flip side is the question--- How do you go about asking a new friend if they vaccinate their children?


"Our older kids are the same age!  We should do a play date!" Mom 1 might say.


"Yea, that sounds great!" Mom 2 would respond,  And then--- what???  Follow up with "Btw, is little Timmy vaccinated??  'Cause I got a baby here, and, you know... just lookin' out, know what I mean?"


Awkward.


What are your thoughts?  Would you ask a new friend if they vaccinate their children to protect your best interests?  Or, on the flip side, are you a parent who chooses not to vaccinate and finds this to be an invasion of privacy?

Fear & Self Loathing

I went to my first formal dance in my Sophomore year of high school.  My mom took my sister and I dress shopping at department stores while we complained about being fat cows the whole time.  I finally settled on a green velvet number with a sheer back and a hemline that was short but wouldn't have me turned away by the nuns guarding the cafeteria-turned-dance-hall.  I got my hair and my nails did, and I looked pretty cute, but I tugged at my dress the entire night feeling, still, like a fat cow.


It was a size 3.

I still have that dress hanging in my closet.  Not because I think I'll ever be able to wear it again- except maybe as a leg warmer- but because it is such a beautiful dress and I was such a beautiful girl, and when I think about that dress I want to go back in time and give myself a good talking to.


I wish I had felt empowered back when I was able to wear that dress.  Of course, as a woman, I think that thought about every size when I am a size or two bigger than it.  Hell, if I could get into the single digits, I'd flaunt that shit like it was nobody's business.


Now I have a daughter of my own, and although she's not even 3, it kills me to think that she might one day have the kind of crappy self esteem issues I had when I was 15.  


Kills me.


There are some days I want to rip all of my clothes out of the closet and lament about my fat ass.... but I know I have a little sponge listening intently to my every word, and I have to suppress it.  And you know what?  That sort of suppression is good for me because I don't need to do all that negative talking at myself anyway.  That's the kind of crap that got me hooked on diet coke and aspartame in the first place.


There are some times, however, when I'll be on a play date or just meeting up with a friend and I have Anna with me and the woman I'm with starts in on negative self talk.  What can I do to shield my daughter from this?  Some might think that Red is too young to understand what the grown ups are talking about, but yo- I know my daughter.  She absorbs everything.  So many times I'll think a subject is over her head and she will repeat it back to me later in full detail with a clear cognitive understanding of the matter.


So, Ladies--- Please, Can we just--- stop it?  Can we stop the self loathing in front of little girls?  Can we stop the "I'm so fat" and "I've gained so much weight" and "I'll never get rid of this cellulite" in the presence of impressionable young years?  Yes--- I, too, long for the days when the Rubenesque woman was in style, but I don't need to make my daughter aware of what I feel are my physical shortcomings.  Because you know what?  Every time she hears "I'm so fat," she will associate that shit with what "Beautiful" is supposed to be, and goddammit- she will never not be beautiful to me.  Never.


Never ever ever.