I just took Ryan to his 2 month checkup. Anna came with us, so I carefully explained that her baby brother might cry at the end because the nurse is going to give him a needle, and I told her- in easy to understand kiddie terms- what a vaccine is and why he's getting it. I knew I had to go over this information with her ahead of time because I didn't want her to be freaked out. Let's face it- vaccinations can be a scary and upsetting situation for kids and parents alike.
Like any mom who had a baby after Jenny McCarthy, I'm always hyper aware of the possible outcomes of vaccinating my kids. Checkup day is nerve wracking. Every time a nurse hands me the paperwork about the vaccines she's about to give my child, I shudder a little at the thought that drug companies could be in cahoots with big business and not have the best interest of my child in mind.
My sister is a nurse at CHOP, and I've heard the other side too many times. The heartbreaking stories of kids being admitted deathly ill with some sickness that could have been prevented with a vaccine. I ultimately decided that I'd rather have an autistic child over the alternative----
However, that is my personal decision. I'm not here to pass judgement on how or if parents choose to vaccinate their children.
So here we are in the era of playdates. I don't know about you, but when I was little, we didn't do playdates like they do 'em now. Red has been playdating since she was 2 months old! Park trips and play zones, mall walks and house dates, beach trips and birthday parties--- you name it, we've playdated the heck out of it.
Now Red has a little brother. My little Italian stallion is just shy of 3 months old, and he's getting his feet wet in the playdate circuit, which this means he's maxin' and relaxin' with Red's friends' little siblings. But Red's friends are in the mix.... and they're older... and older toddlers and preschoolers love little babies.... they love love love to touch their piggy toes and bellies and faces... So this raises the question- Do I need to be aware of who is vaccinating in my circle of friends?
I asked my pediatrician, and her response was a whole-hearted "YES!" She confirmed that until the little man has gone through his full list of vaccines, he is at risk to contract illnesses from unvaccinated carriers. She further explained that this new wave of non-vaccinating parents is throwing old ilnesses back into the mix that haven't been as problematic for years, so an older child can be a carrier of some illness that my not-yet-3 month old would easily pick up. I asked her how I'm supposed to find out who is vaccinating and who isn't? She smiled sympathetically and said "Well, that's the tricky part, isn't it?"
Again- let me stress this point- I am not passing judgement on parents who don't vaccinate. It is a personal choice, one that no parent takes lightly.
I am just raising the question- Do parents who don't vaccinate have a moral obligation to disclose that information to parents they playdate with, especially if very small, not fully vaccinated children are present? Or, I suppose the flip side is the question--- How do you go about asking a new friend if they vaccinate their children?
"Our older kids are the same age! We should do a play date!" Mom 1 might say.
"Yea, that sounds great!" Mom 2 would respond, And then--- what??? Follow up with "Btw, is little Timmy vaccinated?? 'Cause I got a baby here, and, you know... just lookin' out, know what I mean?"
Awkward.
What are your thoughts? Would you ask a new friend if they vaccinate their children to protect your best interests? Or, on the flip side, are you a parent who chooses not to vaccinate and finds this to be an invasion of privacy?
When it comes to your childs health, I cant see how any question could be too out of line. I think the real question is, god forbid if ur baby did contract something that may have been prevented, would you regret not asking the questions? Is it worth risking to avoid the awkward conversations with all those baby mamas and papas?
ReplyDeletehmmm...good question...well, I vacinate so we can continue to playdate:) But I would think someone who chooses not to vacinate should disclose to someone with a little baby...I would say its your business if their child could carry something that would affect your babes. I would say in that instance when you are looking out for the best interest of your child it shouldn't be a privacy issue. Now if someone is just wanting to know to be judgey than that's different...none of your beeswax!
ReplyDeleteI say ask away. Full disclosure in this situation is necessary and I feel it's selfish if someone were to get offended by someone asking. I care way more about my child's risk than I do offending you.
ReplyDeleteAsk them, straight up. It's their prerogative to not vaccinate, as it is yours to vaccinate. Obviously you chose vaccinations over disease, so why would you stop at just the vaccines and not at putting your child in a situation where he is exposed to it. My MIL's neighbor decided not to vaccinate, therefor I told her straight up, that Char is not to be around those children until she is fully vaccinated. No shame in my game, as with Vic, I see all too often children that are deathly ill from diseases that could've been prevented. And PS. The doctor that "linked" autism to vaccines falsified his research and No longer has his license. Actually CHOP has a wonderful new study out about autism which shows that children that are diagnosed with autism actually are showing early signs that were once overlooked.
ReplyDeleteLove Cousin Jackie
Jackie, I am glad you commented.
DeleteHere is a great link from CHOP re: vaccines. They have information on hot topics re: vaccines, educations, myths/fears of parents, etc
Www.chop.edu/service/vaccine-education-center/home.html
We are currently having a Nationwide outbreak of whooping cough/pertussis.
Many family members and friends come to me and ask how this could happen since the schools etc require proof of vaccination to enter school. This happens when children (and adults) miss, are not up to date, or are not vaccinated.
In many states, your children can be exempt from immunizations objects in writing to the immunizations based on Religious grounds or on the basis of a strong moral or ethical conviction similar to a religious belief.
This is a great question Jeanne. You always hear pet owners be cautious of having their dog, cat, whatever around other pets if they're not vaccinated because they don't want to risk a sick pet. So they'll say that the pet isn't vaccinated or will tell someone that you can't bring your unvaccinated pet around since my pet isn't vaccinated for XYZ.
ReplyDeleteI think the same should be true for children. You're spot on with respecting someone's choice to not vaccinate their child. At the same time they should be respectful of your choice to not want to have play dates because you don't want your kids to be sick. It's awkward for sure, but the mutual respect for each others decisions, and being polite about asking about the vaccinations, should go a long way.
Interesting read regarding this topic. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kirby/autism-vaccine-_b_817879.html
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