That's right--- Thirty-Six Weeks.
According to Babycenter.com, he's almost 6 pounds- "like a crenshaw melon!" I had to actually look that up as I had no clue what a melon of the "crenshaw" variety was. You can't pick a less obscure melon, BabyCenter? I would have taken "like a big ass melon".
There are things I have learned I cannot live without during pregnancy. Since this will be my final go around (I beg to the gods please do not smite me with a third pregnancy), I find the need to share these products with you. As usual, I'm not being paid by any of these companies to share their products. Although I have been inspired by MamaKat's Writer's Workshop to share one of my favorite things. Only, as you can see, I'm breaking the rules and sharing several of them. Chicks who are 36 weeks pregnant can break whatever rules they want.
Except the whole no drinking rule. Sigh...
Gummy PreNatal Vitamins
I don't do well with taking pills, especially the oversized horse pills they call PreNatal Vitamins. I knew this from when I was pregnant with Red, but back then (2 and a half whole years ago), the only alternative was Flinstone vitamins. They were fine enough and got the job done, but I had to take double the dosage (you know... cause they're for children) so I went through them quickly. This time, I suffered all through the first trimester with the horse pills again, but when I hit the glory of the second trimester and I threw up- yes, vomited- one day after taking my PreNatal, I wiped off my chin and hopped in the car in search of Fred, Wilma and their chalky little friends. Lo and behold, there on the shelf sat my salvation--- GUMMY PRENATALS!
These little suckers have gotten me through with flying colors! I may even continue to take them after the baby comes to keep up my stamina for breastfeeding. Unless there's a gummy vitamin for that, too...
Dove Body Cream Oil
I don't care what you read about the magic cures for stretch marks--- if you got 'em, nothing short of a laser is going to get rid of them. Any product or website or "knowledgeable mom" who tells you otherwise is bullshitting you. Some women are lucky to not have them at all, but for the rest of the female population, they are a fact of pregnancy. Save yourself some trouble and pass on the expensive creams and lotions that say they're going to get rid of your stretch marks because what you need during this difficult time is RELIEF from the dryness and itchiness of what is actually happening to cause them--- your skin is stretching. That's why they call them stretch marks. And this stuff right here? Dove Body Cream Oil--- is. the. bomb.
At about $6 a bottle, it gets the job done- gloriously. I use it on my hands, feet, belly, elbows, when I'm pregnant and when I'm not. This is one of those products I want to tell everyone and their mother about so that it gains marketing momentum and never disappears from Dove's product line. So try it. You'll thank me.
Black Stretchy Pants & Sweatpants
I'm not sure why bitches be frontin' and spend their entire pregnancy searching for "The Perfect Pair of Maternity Jeans."
Honey, those don't exist.
Just get yourself a couple of nice, new pairs of maternity sweatpants in black and dark grey (and maybe white if you roll like that). Then pick up 2 or 3 pairs of black cottony stretchy maternity pants for nicer events. If it's summer, roll with the black cotton maternity shorts.
Boom. You're done.
Because it really doesn't matter what you're wearing--- nobody thinks twice if you're not sporting something from Gap's spring maternity line. Like an oversized elf, you genuinely please everyone wherever you go! People will tell you that you are glowing when we all know that's not a glow- it's sweat. They will tell you that you're "all baby!" and you'll be too tired to call their bullshit card. It doesn't matter. You get a free pass so long as you're growing a human being. Just make sure your snazzy new sweatpants are clean (or at least void of visible stains), slap on some mascara, and concentrate on remembering your wallet when you leave the house.
Much like the maternity jeans, you will be hard pressed to find a pregnant woman who is bragging about the sheer comfort of her fantastic maternity bras. You can pay alot of money to find something fairly decent, only to outgrow it in a matter of weeks. Save yourself the trouble and pick up some bra extenders.
These are not the ones I used because like a jackass I paid a higher price for the ones they sell at the maternity store in the mall. This 3-pack of brah!extenders are a great price at just under $8. It's the exact same thing- literally and extra piece of bra fabric with hooks. Get a pack with 2-hooks and 3-hooks. Worth the money, ladies!
The Godawful Pregnancy Pillow
I have a Love/Hate relationship with my pregnancy pillow. I have the Leachco Snoogle Total Body Pillow, which in my opinion is the best one out there. And god do I hate it's guts.
It has a crazy shape, and it really is exactly what you need to get
Love this picture on their website. Cause that's exactly how I rest comfortably at night these days.
First of all, you will not find my big pregnant sweaty self in head to toe silk jammies because that just looks HOT. Winter, spring, summer or fall- with or without air conditioning- my nighttime attire consists of a tank top and maybe- maybe- pants or shorts. And I have a fan constantly blowing on me. Ask my husband- that fan drove him nuts during the winter months.
But there is simply no way around, ladies. You can avoid this monstrosity for a while, but since you can't lay on your back or stomach, at some point your baby will start to drag down your belly when you lie on your side- an unnerving feeling indeed. And you simply need to have that support between your legs so you don't end up with some crazy sciatic nerve issue. This pillow will be your answer, and it will cackle at you like a witch from a Disney movie. "Come here, my pretty" it will mock as you approach the bed. "Climb in! Mwahahahahahaha!!!!" And that's what you'll do- you will climb into it and it will envelope you not like a soft kiss, as pictured above, but as a massive boa constrictor. You will feel as if you are drowning in it's very fibers. And moments after you find a somewhat comfortable spot, you will need to pee.
I intend to burn this thing when I'm done with it.
So that's my list of must-haves for pregnancy survival. If you have other suggestions, please share the love below! I'd love to learn about what I missed out on now that I only have 3 weeks left!