I just took Ryan to his 2 month checkup. Anna came with us, so I carefully explained that her baby brother might cry at the end because the nurse is going to give him a needle, and I told her- in easy to understand kiddie terms- what a vaccine is and why he's getting it. I knew I had to go over this information with her ahead of time because I didn't want her to be freaked out. Let's face it- vaccinations can be a scary and upsetting situation for kids and parents alike.
Like any mom who had a baby after Jenny McCarthy, I'm always hyper aware of the possible outcomes of vaccinating my kids. Checkup day is nerve wracking. Every time a nurse hands me the paperwork about the vaccines she's about to give my child, I shudder a little at the thought that drug companies could be in cahoots with big business and not have the best interest of my child in mind.
My sister is a nurse at CHOP, and I've heard the other side too many times. The heartbreaking stories of kids being admitted deathly ill with some sickness that could have been prevented with a vaccine. I ultimately decided that I'd rather have an autistic child over the alternative----
However, that is my personal decision. I'm not here to pass judgement on how or if parents choose to vaccinate their children.
So here we are in the era of playdates. I don't know about you, but when I was little, we didn't do playdates like they do 'em now. Red has been playdating since she was 2 months old! Park trips and play zones, mall walks and house dates, beach trips and birthday parties--- you name it, we've playdated the heck out of it.
Now Red has a little brother. My little Italian stallion is just shy of 3 months old, and he's getting his feet wet in the playdate circuit, which this means he's maxin' and relaxin' with Red's friends' little siblings. But Red's friends are in the mix.... and they're older... and older toddlers and preschoolers love little babies.... they love love love to touch their piggy toes and bellies and faces... So this raises the question- Do I need to be aware of who is vaccinating in my circle of friends?
I asked my pediatrician, and her response was a whole-hearted "YES!" She confirmed that until the little man has gone through his full list of vaccines, he is at risk to contract illnesses from unvaccinated carriers. She further explained that this new wave of non-vaccinating parents is throwing old ilnesses back into the mix that haven't been as problematic for years, so an older child can be a carrier of some illness that my not-yet-3 month old would easily pick up. I asked her how I'm supposed to find out who is vaccinating and who isn't? She smiled sympathetically and said "Well, that's the tricky part, isn't it?"
Again- let me stress this point- I am not passing judgement on parents who don't vaccinate. It is a personal choice, one that no parent takes lightly.
I am just raising the question- Do parents who don't vaccinate have a moral obligation to disclose that information to parents they playdate with, especially if very small, not fully vaccinated children are present? Or, I suppose the flip side is the question--- How do you go about asking a new friend if they vaccinate their children?
"Our older kids are the same age! We should do a play date!" Mom 1 might say.
"Yea, that sounds great!" Mom 2 would respond, And then--- what??? Follow up with "Btw, is little Timmy vaccinated?? 'Cause I got a baby here, and, you know... just lookin' out, know what I mean?"
Awkward.
What are your thoughts? Would you ask a new friend if they vaccinate their children to protect your best interests? Or, on the flip side, are you a parent who chooses not to vaccinate and finds this to be an invasion of privacy?
I went to my first formal dance in my Sophomore year of high school. My mom took my sister and I dress shopping at department stores while we complained about being fat cows the whole time. I finally settled on a green velvet number with a sheer back and a hemline that was short but wouldn't have me turned away by the nuns guarding the cafeteria-turned-dance-hall. I got my hair and my nails did, and I looked pretty cute, but I tugged at my dress the entire night feeling, still, like a fat cow.
It was a size 3.
I still have that dress hanging in my closet. Not because I think I'll ever be able to wear it again- except maybe as a leg warmer- but because it is such a beautiful dress and I was such a beautiful girl, and when I think about that dress I want to go back in time and give myself a good talking to.
I wish I had felt empowered back when I was able to wear that dress. Of course, as a woman, I think that thought about every size when I am a size or two bigger than it. Hell, if I could get into the single digits, I'd flaunt that shit like it was nobody's business.
Now I have a daughter of my own, and although she's not even 3, it kills me to think that she might one day have the kind of crappy self esteem issues I had when I was 15.
Kills me.
There are some days I want to rip all of my clothes out of the closet and lament about my fat ass.... but I know I have a little sponge listening intently to my every word, and I have to suppress it. And you know what? That sort of suppression is good for me because I don't need to do all that negative talking at myself anyway. That's the kind of crap that got me hooked on diet coke and aspartame in the first place.
There are some times, however, when I'll be on a play date or just meeting up with a friend and I have Anna with me and the woman I'm with starts in on negative self talk. What can I do to shield my daughter from this? Some might think that Red is too young to understand what the grown ups are talking about, but yo- I know my daughter. She absorbs everything. So many times I'll think a subject is over her head and she will repeat it back to me later in full detail with a clear cognitive understanding of the matter.
So, Ladies--- Please, Can we just--- stop it? Can we stop the self loathing in front of little girls? Can we stop the "I'm so fat" and "I've gained so much weight" and "I'll never get rid of this cellulite" in the presence of impressionable young years? Yes--- I, too, long for the days when the Rubenesque woman was in style, but I don't need to make my daughter aware of what I feel are my physical shortcomings. Because you know what? Every time she hears "I'm so fat," she will associate that shit with what "Beautiful" is supposed to be, and goddammit- she will never not be beautiful to me. Never.
Never ever ever.
This morning I happened to catch the press conference regarding the Freeh Report findings on the Penn State scandal in which Jerry Sandusky sexually abused several boys over the course of 15 years.
I already wrote about this back in November, and while I am not here to drag anyone's name through the mud, this report only confirms the way I felt in that post. So many influential people in that organization chose the status, glory and money they gleaned from something as globally insignificant as a football program over the welfare of all those innocent children. It is absolutely horrific.
But what can we really learn from this? We each may not have the status and ranking of Joe Paterno, Tim Curley or Gary Schultz, but we do all have a responsibility to be vigilant when it comes to abuse, especially when it involves children. Just a few weeks ago, a mom in my mom's club posted "How and when should I start talking to my kids about stranger danger?" One of the other moms responded with something along the lines of "More times than not, it's not strangers you have to worry about. Abuse often comes from people the child knows and trusts."
Check out this fact sheet on child sexual abuse from the American Humane Association:
http://www.americanhumane.org/children/stop-child-abuse/fact-sheets/child-sexual-abuse.html
I am going so far as to say that we each have a duty to read this information on the signs of sexual abuse and what steps we should take to report suspected abuse to the proper authorities.
As always, comments are welcome below. However, if you want to comment on the "legacy of Joe Paterno", I'm not even going to dignify you with a response. I'll be too busy sending light and love to the abused victims whose lives are forever scarred by not just the abuse but also by the inaction of people in the organization who knew and covered it up to save their precious football program.
Inaction is oftentimes the worst action.
So I've been on hiatus! An intentional one, that is. I gave myself permission to take a break from everything while I get accustomed to life with 2 kids, and now that Ryan is 2 months old I feel a little less chaotic.
Just a little.
I had remembered the crying baby and the middle of the night feedings, the swaddling and the shitsplosions, the diaper rashes and cradle cap. Those things I had prepared myself for.
What I had forgotten was the general chaos that comes with a baby. Receiving blankets strewn about, a plethora of diaper bags that all serve various purposes for various kinds of outings needing to be packed and unpacked and repacked several times a week, cleaning off surfaces only to have them covered again with bills, mail, papers, clothes, etc mere hours later.
I have looked longingly at the computer many times over the past few weeks with a desire to write something, anything--- but the fact is there is not much I can give you in a cohesive post that you will want to read. Sure, there have been some funny stories, but my brain is feeling pretty shot right now and I don't have an organized mind to get it out. Plus, I hate pumping out a post just for the sake of it. No one wants to read a litany of my day-to-day activities- that's just a waste of my time and yours.
Even as I write this post, my thoughts are a mess! You should see my computer screen right now- I have several sentences written in no particular order- I'm just churning out a stream of consciousness and I hope, with a little cut n' paste magic, to be able to have a final output that is readable! I'm dealing with the kind of tiredness that makes your body only take on what it can handle and forces you to let go of the other stuff that you can't even deal with right now.
Yesterday in the car, Anna said, "Mommy, I took my boo boo off!"
"Huh?" I looked at her in the rear view mirror. She was inspecting something in her hand. "Oh, you took your bandaid off?"
"Here Mommy! Take it!"
Since we were at a stoplight, I obliged. Reaching back, I felt her drop something small in my hand. I pulled my arm back around and looked down at my palm where I saw a small brownish hunk of something.
"Anna, what is this? Where's your bandaid? Did you take your bandaid off?"
"No, Mommy," she shouted. "I took my boo boo off!"
Oh.
Yep.
She had, indeed, taken her boo boo off. I was holding an old scab. I looked at back her triumphant face beaming at me in the mirror. I gave her a tired smile back before rolling down my window and flicking the thing outside. I didn't even have it in me to teach her that she shouldn't pick her scabs. I just hit the replay button on the Dinosaur song and kept driving.
*If you want to catch tidbits of my fun anecdotes, follow me on Twitter at @momheartspinot and Like my page on Facebook. I post exclusives there that you probably won't find here on the blog!
